Dear Prince Charming;
Congratulations, you are very close to the birth of your first child! We, Cinderella’s sisters, would like to share a few survival tips for you during these last few weeks of pregnancy. While the princess you married seems to have vanished, leaving behind a cranky, uncomfortable elephant, there are a few things you will need to know in order to not be taken over by her inevitable mood swings these last few weeks.
First, do not tell dear nine month pregnant Cinderella when she asks for a back rub before bed that this is “a bad time”. Cinderella has been carrying this child now for 37 weeks, and it is very rarely convenient or a good time. She is asking you now because she is incredibly uncomfortable now and it is blocking her from the few blessed hours of sleep she will get tonight. So turn off the magic mirror and go rub her back…without grumbling or complaining.
Second, dear Prince, we know you had a hard day at work. However, Cinderella, who is working up until she goes into labor, spent a good six hours in false labor today. When she asks you to rub her back in a way that would work better for her, do not tell her “to deal with it”. We know you had a long day too, but it does not compare to false labor and work and “deal with it” may get your hand bitten off.
Third, Charming dear, if you do get around to actually rubbing her exhausted back, do not ask her to “just be quiet and let you enjoy the time you are spending together”. She will have every right to break your arm. Do what she asks, how she requests it to be done and do not say anything stupid while you are doing the very small bit that you can to make Cinderella more comfortable as she carries your child. We know you would switch with her if you could, dear Prince. Alas, you can’t. So be nice, be quiet and use whatever tools she gives you to make her more comfortable.
If any of these phrases should accidentally pass through your mouth, there is a small chance you may survive it. If Cinderella shrieks “WHAT?!” in that hysterical voice you have come to dread, take hope. BACKPEDDAL. Tell her you didn’t mean it. This is not the time to say something even more stupid or start a fight-DO NOT MENTION HORMONES. And we recommend that you bring home a small gift/peace offering after you spend the day fighting off dragons tomorrow.
All of our best in the last few weeks of pregnancy,