The zoo and stuff

We got to take the boys to the Zoo again this year.

We love the zoo.

I love taking pictures of the bear the most because they just pose in their sleep.

That is a bear down there at the end of the cave.

 And one right there, next to Jack, by the rock wall.

Don't you just want to go lay down next to them?

The penguins were the highlight though, and they followed the boys around the glass.

Since our big guy loves dinos so much we decided I should have a special date with him (and daddy with Jack) and we went through the dino exhibit.

It would have been handy if it came with a PG-13 recommendation though.

They played super, super scary music.

Before we even went in, some dino's peeked over the gate

and spit at us.

And they were terrifying.  

Let's just say I carried my three year old through most of it.

and only could take his picture if he didn't know one was behind him

Or if I promised not to let go of him.

Finally we found a lambiasouras who looked kind, gentle and approachable.

He took right to her and climbed on before I even knew what has happening.

He let me take his picture by the sign at the end though.

Brave little soul.  :)

This is a picture of Jack at 10:30 at night.  

Right after we got off of the phone with Poison Control.

Again.

This night was probably the kick off to the greatest struggle I have ever tried to wade through,

and I wish I could say that I was doing a good job.  I wish that I could say that I didn't feel desperate (which is funny because if you asked me a year ago if I could possibly feel more desperate than I did at that point I would have told you it was impossible) and like I was failing.

Mostly because when everything is going wrong I look at my sweet, sweet little ones and I know we doing okay because they are so good.  Little boys, but sweet and caring and good.

And then yesterday I sat down on their bedroom floor in tears because they were so, so naughty and I felt like the whole world was collapsing in around me...and my heart was a little broken.

Jack had just eaten an entire, complete tube of Butt Paste (we are so, so blessed we made the decision to go natural long before that child came along-Poison Control said he would be fine) and the two of them had broken everything in their bedroom.  Brayden tried to tell me Jack was eating Butt Paste, but I was so tired from Naughty Day that I had them in their room and I was taking a well deserved 15 minute break in mine (two feet across the hall) before I had to make them dinner and then go teach a class.

So later on when my boys come back to read this blog love letter to them, or when they have kids of their own and wonder why the heck their mommy went so dang nuts, I want them to know these were my daily chants:

I can do hard things.

This too shall pass.  I am not sure what we will look like when it does, but it shall pass. All of it.

Savor the Kioros moments (like when 3 year old Brayden helps me muck out the paddock!)

The days are long, but they years, the years are so short.

Just get through today (procrastinate the bills until tomorrow! Again.)

I am the best mommy for them.

I pray for that every night and every morning-that I am the best possible mommy for them, and that I don't ruin them.  And that they get my best every day.  And that my games of Bed Time Wac-A-Mole with Jack leave some time for me to work so that I can please, please earn a little cash, too.  Not a lot-we don't need a lot...but enough to keep us floating and to get the occasional haircut would be nice. 

And maybe fix the dang Xterra, too.

So Jack jack baby-some day when your kids can't go to sleep at night....I am going to laugh my mean old butt off and tell you just to get through it.  One night at a time.  You are the best daddy they could have. 

And come over so I can cut your hair.

Love you.